I had another one of those moments yesterday- The "I am unhappy, hate my job" moments". I tend to get those a lot when I'm not overly busy at work (thus the daily blog entires). I decided it might be time for a career change. I told my husband this, to which he replied that I only need to stick it out for another 6 months, after which I can get pregnant and just stay home.
Well, for some reason I didn't like that idea. I thought that if this was the case, then I'd just be running away from my "problems" again. Don't like where you are in life? Ignore it and find something else to, thus never having to confront the problem in the first place. This was just my mindset at the moment.
Giving it a little further thought, I realized I don't think "running away from my problems (my job)" is a good excuse for this "problem" (the kids issue). So what is the real reason I don't want to have kids (aside from the fact that I haven't been married very long)?
I thought about it for awhile and even talked the issue over with my husband. My conclusion? Selfishness. I am selfish. I don't want kids because I enjoy my sleep; I really like sleeping through the night! I enjoy my one-on-one time with my husband. I like to get up and do whatever I want whenever I want. I like to be spontaneous. I like to shop. I like to spend money. I like not having to chase a little person around the house. I like to think about myself (and sometimes I even throw my hubby into that equation).
Basically. I like not being tied down. I like not being responsible for anyone but myself and my husband (who can pretty much take care of himself).
Let me say, that I'm not proud of this realization. But I think we all have a bit of selfishness in us-it's human nature. Our task is to overcome those natural tendencies. To put them off and become the opposite--selfless. I think that is one of the glories of being a mother--the ultimate act of selflessness. I think of all the mothers I know-they are the living definition of selflessness and sacrifice.
Basically, the problem lies in the problem. The way to overcome the selfishness not to have children is by having children, and thus becoming selfless. Yes, there are flaws in my logic.
No, I'm not thinking about having children at the moment. It was just a thought I wanted to adress. A step to overcoming a potential problem.
To make a long ranting short, here are a few great quotes I found on the topic:
"The human being who lives only for himself finally reaps nothing but unhappiness. Selfishness corrodes. Unselfishness ennobles, satisfies. Don't put off the joy derivable from doing helpful, kindly things for others." --B.C. Forbes
"Give up your selfishness, and you shall find peace; like water mingling with water, you shall merge in absorption." --Sri Guru Granth Sahib
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11 comments:
Yeah, you selfish little stinker... actually, enjoy while it lasts. Kids are pests (albeit very handsome and cute ones)
I love my daughter very much, but kids arent always for everybody. You will know if and when the time is right for you to start a family.. Enjoy each other xx
I feel so totally the same way as you! Well, maybe not "so totally" but a lot. Every time I think about how much I want kids, I feel selfish. Because I feel like I want kids for all the wrong reasons. I feel like I want kids so that I can show them off and snuggle them, and so that I can have an excuse for not working. I feel like I'm selfish to want kids. But then, also, when I realize how dumb it is to have kids right now, its for selfish reasons as well.
Kinda sucks when you realize that having kids or not having kids...I'm selfish either way.
I suck.
:)
oh well!
luv u DAc!
The beauty of being a mother is that it can make even a good life into a wonderful, worthwhile and fulfilling life. I was talking to my mom about how even people like us who love kids and want to provide a good life for them can still be grumpy and frustrated, which is very sad for those who didn't want to be parents. However, we love those whom we serve and who do we serve more than our children, whether or not we wanted them in the first place. I never fully understood how much my parents truly love me until I had children of my own and had to make sacrifices of my own and I'm sure my adoration and appreciation of my parents will only continue to grow as I experience more of the things they went through raising us. I really enjoyed your thoughts on this topic. My selfishness right now is that I have two wonderful children and the more I have the more I have to feed and care for and provide a good life for and is that really worth it? But then I look at all of my siblings and I love more than anything having a big family and the experiences we've had growing up together and I would want that for my children. I guess the moral of all of this is that there is a time and place for everything and you only have to take things one step at a time (unless you are one of the lucky ones who have tripletts!!!). For us, it worked out wonderfully to have waited 4 years before having children. It was so good to have that time together and to establish our relationship first. But for others, that is not the case. And I'm sure down the road, I will gladly be ready to have another child and that it will be wonderful. You just have to do what is right for you when it's right for you. But you are exactly right as to not have it be an out for another situation...to have it be a solution. It is a wonderful and beautiful thing and I wouldn't trade being a mother for anything in the world. I always say, all of the good makes up for the hard and it truly does. It must be 4:30 in the morning...I am totally babbling. Sorry. I'm glad I stumbled on this page...you have great thoughts and it reminds me that I need to not just get through the day, but to actually stop and ponder and appreciate. I don't get a chance to get on the computer everyday, but I love to check out all of your blogs when I do...and apparently stay up all night reading them! I love ya!
thoughtthinktank.blogspot.com; You saved my day again.
Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now. Keep it up!
And according to this article, I totally agree with your opinion, but only this time! :)
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