But I don't necessarily want to talk about freedom of speech or religion or anything included in the 5th amendment. Don't get me wrong, those are incredible freedoms, which I am grateful to have. I more want to talk about freedom of character, freedom of mind. Being free to be me. Basically, not being tied down. Part of what led me to this topic is the fact that I have not felt "free" the last little while.
I've been having the hardest time learning to "grow up." I just got out of college and have been working since then. I've had this job for a year (longer than I've ever had any job before). But I'm not used to working so much. All through college I held a job, but worked part time. During the summers, I worked if it was convenient (and was poor). Once summer was over, I got a break from work and went back to school. Once school became overly boring, I returned to work for a short period and filled the space with vacations and play time again. Only problem now is that school is over. Once my schooling ended, so did spontaneity.
I no longer have the freedom to float from school to work to vacation. I am now required to clear my "freedom" with my boss. I find myself sinking into minor depression, being stuck in the "daily grind". Happiness is no longer something so simple to find. It is amazing how sad life becomes without freedom. I don't understand how most people spend their lives working!
Growing up is the hardest thing I've ever really had to do. Being responsible for all my choices and being responsible to other people is definitely taking it's toll on me. In school if I didn't complete my work, it only effected me. Now, if I don't complete an assignment, it effects my boss, my co-workers, my clients etc.
Basically I'm having to find other ways to be happy. I'm having to find ways to "enjoy" work. I'm still working on it, that's for certain! Hopefully one of these days I will be able to master my moods and emotions. Hopefully I will learn to find my role in life and learn to be content. Things are not as they always were and they will continue to change. Responsibilities will change. People will change. Life is constantly changing. It's funny, I used to LOVE change. Loved moving, meeting new people, changing jobs, switching majors etc. Now it seems you get comfortable where you are, and then don't like the changes.
Life is one of those things you will never master. You can only work on it, every day. Hopefully I will master the realization that I will never master life--only master my emotions. And once I have those under control, the rest should be simple.
"Concern should drive us into action and not into a depression. No man is free who cannot control himself." --Pythagoras
"The secret of Happiness is Freedom, and the secret of Freedom, courage." -Thucydides
"Freedom means the opportunity to be what we never thought we would be." -Daniel J. Boorstin
And lastly,
"Freedom is not procured by a full enjoyment of what is desired, but by controlling the desire." -Epictetus
